Last night I had a dream. I was sitting at my friend’s house and she was feeling a bit mopey. She said, ‘every morning I get up and eat breakfast at this bench and the day goes on the same. Nothing happens.’
I suggested she might like to sit at the table while she eats her breakfast because sometimes the slightest change to a regular routine gives you a lift.
She said, ‘what’s the point in that? I eat my breakfast at the bench or at the table. I’m still just eating breakfast and the day goes on as boring as ever.’
At that I jumped up in frustration and yelled, ‘WHAT YOU DO ISN’T THE POINT! THE POINT IS HOW YOU FEEL WHILE YOU’RE DOING IT!’
Then I woke up.
Last night I had the most FRIGHTENING dream. I’m serious! The fear I felt in the dream was palpable!
So, in the dream, I got attacked by Scott Baio from Charles in Charge – twice.
I must confess that I was totally razzing him when I saw him somewhere in public. I was really nasty about his failing career, drug charges, etc (disclaimer: if any of it mirrors Scott Baio’s real life it’s purely coincidental because I don’t really know anything about him other than he was on Charles in Charge…which is probably the nastiest thing you can say to an actor). My tongue was so sharp that he got really angry, pinned me down, cut some of hair and tried to staple my neck! All the while, I was screaming and trapped and just KEPT ON RAZZING HIM! Like, “you’re such a lousy actor that you attack girls with a stapler!” I mean, what kind of stupid coping mechanism was that? I was petrified and I thought I could diffuse the situation by making my attacker angrier. Duh!
I don’t remember what the second attack was, just that I woke up thinking, Charles in Charge attacked me TWICE!
Today is so odd. I know I have a few things to take care of before I move next Thursday but I’m not sure where to start. I had a dream last night about leaving Bangkok, but Bangkok was a small regional city in a country where the capital was Jakarta. My office was similar to my real office, but had a look about it that reminded me of a luxury hotel and a much better view (I could see Jakarta). My apartment closet (that I keep my clothes in) was located in my office so when it was time to finish work and fly back to Australia (via Jakarta) I was running late and hadn’t even taken the clothes from my closet and packed them in my suitcase. Then I realised I’d forgotten to book my flight anyway.
Anxious dreams about missing flights are not uncommon for me. Usually they seem to be reflecting anxiety I have about something that could just as well be related to travel as to anything else, but this time I have a real flight to catch which makes the symbolism even more obvious. Also, someone asked me yesterday what day I was flying out and I said, “Thursday night.” Then they asked what my last day of work would be and I said, “Thursday.” Then this group of people standing around told me that was a dumb idea and I need to take a day off. I don’t need to take a day off, but their words got lodged in my mind somewhere and made me worry that I needed to take a day off. Proof positive of the power of words to affect our subconscious I suppose. I think that was another reason for my dream. Running from the office to the plane was a really bad thing in my dream. In reality there will be about four hours between my finishing work and leaving for the airport.
My anxious dreams used to be about being late for my Friday night shift at the bookshop. They even continued for a few years after I stopped working in bookshops. Sometimes I would be hours or days late to my Friday night shift at the bookshop, but I was still trying to get there. Then one night I had a dream that I was running late for the bookshop and I saw Greg who was running late for work at the library. We both sat down on the curb and decided it wasn’t that big a deal anyway, and we’d just skip work that night. That was the last bookshop anxiety dream I had, and so began the ‘missing the plane’ anxiety dreams. Once I was in an airport terminal and got stuck in the China terminal and couldn’t make my way back to the France terminal. That was really confusing.
So now it’s Saturday and I know my mind is anxious about getting organised, but I don’t really have that much to organise. I have a lot to do, I don’t know how I will fit it all in, but it’s pretty straightforward. I’m pretty sure my subconscious is overreacting – but whose doesn’t from time to time?
I came over to Wawee Coffee just now to use their internet because I’ve been waiting for a call from my landlord who has been hard to pin down and remembered that she wanted to use email, so I needed to check email too – she’s probably the greatest source of anxiety. I got here and five minutes later she sent me a text message telling me when we can meet, which makes it easier to plan the rest of my weekend now.
So now that my greatest source of anxiety is more predictable, rather than spending more of the time talking about my dreams, I’ll head back to my apartment and start packing.