Because I can’t commit to anything let alone a blog host

I know, it’s annoying when people move around all the time, but Blogger was just bringing me down. It wasn’t that long ago that WordPress was bringing me down…but maybe we’ve overcome our differences. This time we’ll really give it a shot, and work through the rough patches, and really give to the relationship and…this time it will be different.

Moving on from that odd introduction, today I will talk about decision making. Anyone who has eaten with me in a restaurant (particularly in Malaysia which I think of as my darkest decision making period) knows that it is not one of my strengths. I can stare at a menu full of tasty food options, be quite confident that I will like it all, and still get anxious when the waiter walks over. I used to ask the waiter what I should order until one guy said “Why would I know what you want to eat?” Which is an excellent point.

So you can imagine my anxiety today when I am faced with a real challenge. Please help.
The options

a) Today is International Human Rights Day (“Hari Ham Internasional” in Indonesia) and tonight there will be a demonstration. Everyone wears white clothes and we get torches! Sounds pretty great right? But it’s raining and…

b) For five days there is a European “Film Festival” At the European Commission. Last night I watched “Zozo”, a Swedish film about a boy who leaves Lebanon for Sweden during the war. It was so great to watch a good film.

If I only made decisions based on what I want to do (something I am naturally quite good at), I would go for option b, but there is a fair bit of guilt associated with saying “sorry human rights day, I’d prefer to watch some bourgeois European film”.

Is it the small decisions we make daily that make us who we are? If so I have to participate in Human Rights Day activities right? But what if it’s more important to expand my cultural world through film than stand in the rain while my white clothes turn see-through?

I am feeling so conflicted right now that I am going to listen to music for a while in hope that the answer is hidden in the words of popular song.